NEW BLOG ALERT!

Welcome to the year of guilt freedom! 

I don’t know if this happens to men but women have such a high standard to live up to. This high standard only increases once we become mothers. Once you pop out that sweet, bundle of joy, you are then expected to give up all of your freedom and identity. I get about one haircut a year, paint my toe nails once every 4 months and do not dare to buy myself clothes when I could be spending that money on the children. 

What’s worse? As a mother you are some how expected to look great, have energy, eat healthy, be patient, work hard, run the errands, clean the house, workout, teach the kids, feed the kids, clean the kids. Oh the laundry list of expectations! I can maybe do three of these things in a week. Kids are a lot of work and life is a lot of work. There is barely any balance for mothers, especially those who stay at home. In those cases, there is no separation of “work” and “play”, there is only work.

And the funny thing is…we don’t really mind do we? As mothers when we have psychotic breakdowns and fall asleep at 7:30 each night from exhaustion, it means we are doing our job. But that’s all we are doing. I know that I personally feel guilty if I take any time away from my kids. If I buy jeans, I immediately regret the purchase and feel like I should compensate my getting something, with the kids getting something as well. But why do I feel that way? Better yet, why do I feel that way ALL the time?

I can understand if you’re a mother and you never spend time with your children because you chose to do things for yourself instead all day, every day. But that isn’t me. That isn’t any of the mothers I know. The moms I know are devoted and dedicated to their families and like me, cannot free themselves of the guilt of leaving them to do anything for themselves. I’m not talking about going to the grocery store alone. I’m talking going to the mall! Getting a haircut and staying long enough for them to style it! I’m talking about going shoe shopping for winter boots for yourself! When we do these things, we feel guilty or are made to feel guilty.

Here's a perfect example of this happening as I sit here and type this out. It’s 6:53 in the morning. I am in the living room, up with our youngest son, he is fed and watching Peppa Pig. I decided to take some of this time to write my blog when my husband comes down with our toddler. My toddler hugs me, says “awwww” which I think means “I love you”. My husband began to check our account and decided to ask some questions the amount of money I spent at the mall the other day (which seems normal, right? But not for the guilty mom). Long story short we had some extra money and I already discussed with him that I will take the boys (sacrificing my sanity and patience) to the mall and go get our younger son some clothes, get my husband some sweatshirts and I have been dying for my “good” makeup and some pajamas for myself. I also, really needed a new purse. Nothing crazy, I found everything discounted at this amazing store. So, I spent in total about $200.00 for the day, getting something for everyone. So why is this questioning even necessary? Am I suppose to be feeling like I just bankrupted us? I mean, I spoke to him about it before I went. We had a game plan and yet I was still feeling guilty. My husband was not being malicious. He was not being insensitive. We always check on the account and we always talk about purchases (debit card hacking and all) but because I spent money on myself, I seemed to feel as though I was on trial. I began to feel so guilty that I had to try and re-justify it all to myself.

This cycle of guilt is just ridiculous! This is the thought process for everything. The point is we shouldn't have the need to look at life this way for ourselves! We don't think twice about needing to get others things or give them our time, but when it comes to us...we have such an awful guilt feeling associated with it. It just has to stop. 

Mothers: we work hard! Stay at home moms, working moms, we all put in our time. I am a cook, a referee, a teacher, a nurse, a maid, an accountant, a secretary and a chauffeur. I am anything but ME. And as mothers we know more than anyone about our kids and our house and our bills than anyone else. We take care of everything because we are depended upon by our babies and our partners (whether they admit that or not). And as a stay-at-home mother, I never get paid for any of this. If anything I feel GUILTY for staying at home and raising kids and taking care of our lives because it doesn’t generate an income. If you’re a working mother, then you’re not with your children and appear neglectful! We just can’t win. What the f*ck is this all about?! Why do we have to feel guilty all the damn time?

This year, I’m going guilt free! If I need 20 minutes to myself to write or to scream into a pillow or to paint my toe nails because it makes me happy or rejuvenated…then that’s what I’m going to do! I’m not going to put myself first all the time. I’m still going to put my kids first and my responsibilities before myself but I’m also going to be able to say “enough is enough” and  that I need time for myself or clothes for my ever changing figure or whatever the hell I may need that day and not be made to feel bad about it or make myself feel guilty for it! With all this guilty I feel I am finally going to say enough is enough!

P.S. this is way better than the makeup free revolution Alicia Keys is trying to start.

**Disclaimer: My husband was not being a d*ck or making me feel guilty. We always double check our transactions. The point of that section was to show that I automatically begin to feel guilty and rework the situation to the point where I feel I should blame myself. I don't know if that came across the way it was intended to. I apologize if I made it seem like we are penny pinching jerks to each other, because we are not.