Life Update

It has been a long while since I’ve written a blog. Life had taken over and while it’s been an exciting adventure to say the least, it’s also been very hectic and I have not had a moment to put down a cohesive thought onto paper.

Since my last update, I have had a multitude of events happen. Life events to be more specific. No, I’m not pregnant. But I have decided to go back to work and have not been a stay at home mom for nearly two months, my husband accepted a different job offer and for the biggest change of all…WE MOVED!

I know, lots to talk about! I do want to start by saying I use to think that people who said they were “blessed” were just bragging. I don’t know why I felt this way, maybe because some of the people I’ve seen use the word were using it before or after listing all of their achievements or gifts, etc… So I have been associating the term “I’m blessed” with boasting. But now I understand the words. I am BLESSED. I am not super religious but I have religion and I worship in my own way. I pray and I try to be a good person and through all of this transitioning, I had found myself connecting with my religion more. It’s a blessing to be able to have things you want in life. I don’t mean possessions, I mean bigger things. A house over our heads, health for my children, a way to get happy again and I am truly blessed to have to be able to achieve it all within a few short months. So let’s get into it.

Starting with my going back to work. I both loved and hated being a stay-at-home mom. I loved being with my children for so many reasons but I began to resent it and resent my husband because that’s all I became. All I would do is watch children, clean up after children, take care of children, talk to children…there was absolutely no balance. I was not a wife, a lover, a friend, an intellectual. I was a zombie who went about the motions of the day. I’m not saying that I didn’t have my moments of being completely happy and satisfied, what I am saying is that those moments were few and far between.

I believe that had my husband and I been able to have a balance in our lives, then I could have continued to stay at home and be fulfilled but after years of trying to make that happen, I realized it was a lost cause. We just could not get alone time, I could not get out of mom-mode and when the weekends would come around, there was not break. My staying at home became a job that I could never get time off from. I had nothing else outside of those four walls. Not many of my friends in the area had kids and those that did, worked full time. I couldn’t make any new friends and I couldn’t always find the energy to get the boys into any programs nor did the town I was living in have any for them. 

I look back now and think that had my husband and I had a schedule that would somehow benefit me, I would have stayed at home until my oldest started school. I would have been completely satisfied had Fridays or Saturdays been reserved for our marriage and had I had Sundays for my friends. But, when you stay at home and your partner works, they don’t understand the need for balance because they have it already. They have that social life (even if it’s work), they have that feeling of being useful and using their mind. However, like I said, after years of asking and wanting this, I came to the conclusion that it was not going to happen for us. So, I found a part time job and I am finally balanced! Half the day I am a working women with ideas and thoughts that do not involve dirty diapers or Bubble Guppies and then when I get home, I’m a mom. The marriage part still needs to be worked out, but I’m hoping that we will finally find a babysitter who may be able to help with that part.

My husband now gets to work from home. Which is a fun new transition for him. No need to commute on a daily basis. He gets to do what he likes and is knowledgable about and I pray that he is successful and that this is the job he succeeds at and retires from.

This blog may be a little too long to continue with more updates now and I just found it funny how I gave my husband’s new venture a few sentences while mine is paragraphs long. This is why I would love to do a YouTube channel. I have so much to say, but not enough time to say it when I have to type it all out. I just can’t seem to get comfortable speaking to a camera, it’s like talking to myself. Maybe that will be in my next life update post. Maybe I’ll be sitting here telling whomever is reading this about my new YouTube channel and to check it out over there and actually SEE what I’m talking about!

I think our big move update deserves its own blog. It’s a huge life change for us and I want to really be able to explain our transitions and how we packed and just the whole process for anyone who may need some advice or is afraid to make that big move on their own.

Until next time!