Fear
When you become a parent you have to be the best and strongest version of yourself. This is easier said than done, especially when you have to be strong and at your best for your child. I have always been a worrier by nature but at some point you just have to show your strength. Once again, easier said than done.
I cannot deal with situations. I freak out, I panic, I think of the worst case scenario. Ever since having kids, it's been the worst when it comes to treating situations that involve my kids with a rational calm. I seem to go into fight or flight mode. This could happen with any situation at anytime. It has been hard to be strong lately when I realize everything is happening all at once. For one thing, my oldest, my 4 year old, has a cavity in his baby tooth. They want to fill or cap it in the hospital while putting him under aneastesia. I cannot get my head around putting him under nor can I imagine what it would even feel like. I have never been on it. My friends say that their children all used laughing gas, so they were only mildly sedated. The part that really freaked me out was that while my boy would be under, I cannot be in the room. They would do X-Rays and do whatever they need to while he was under without consulting me.
Obviously, I am getting a second opinion. I would never do anything I don't feel 100% comfortable with. However, now I am rattled. I think worst case scenarios about it. Everything that can go wrong with the procedure, everything that will go wrong if we don't get it done. The list of fear goes on and on this way. He is also starting preschool this week. Of course I am worrying about that as well. But I'm a mother. It is now my job to be strong. But what are we mothers? Super humans? No fear. Nothing to stop us from fighting crime. Only positivity should flow through us? Positivity and cheerfulness? And I may be the exact opposite of that description.
The thought of "there's always a solution to a problem" seem to disappear whenever I face anything real in life. I am the type that jumps into panic mode which is hilarious considering my upbringing and not being around anyone like that. So how do I calm down and handle things with grace and poise? How do we stop ourselves from fearing the worse all the time, especially when it comes to our kids? I know other moms who have developed such fears after they have babies that it is paralyzing. Some no longer drive, others have their pediatricians on speed dial. It's a constant state of what could happen rather than what is happening.
Maybe I should start counting to 10 whenever a situation arises. Maybe I should think of those famous words: "there is always a solution to a problem". Maybe I should just chill out and realize that not everything is life or death and if so, be on the side of life from now on. This doom ad gloom attitude is rough. It's all consuming and I need to be different for my kids. They can sense it. So being a parent means to fake it until you make it. Pretend to have your shit together and then lose it when you're alone if you have to. I'm realizing more and more that they can pick up on any little thing. Any little worry you show, any sign of sadness, any raised voice. They feel it. I got away with all of that stuff in the past but the ages 2 and 4 are really impressionable ages.
Being a mom is rough business. Just when you think you figured it out, something else comes up and slips me up. Someone should really write a book on this.
I cannot deal with situations. I freak out, I panic, I think of the worst case scenario. Ever since having kids, it's been the worst when it comes to treating situations that involve my kids with a rational calm. I seem to go into fight or flight mode. This could happen with any situation at anytime. It has been hard to be strong lately when I realize everything is happening all at once. For one thing, my oldest, my 4 year old, has a cavity in his baby tooth. They want to fill or cap it in the hospital while putting him under aneastesia. I cannot get my head around putting him under nor can I imagine what it would even feel like. I have never been on it. My friends say that their children all used laughing gas, so they were only mildly sedated. The part that really freaked me out was that while my boy would be under, I cannot be in the room. They would do X-Rays and do whatever they need to while he was under without consulting me.
Obviously, I am getting a second opinion. I would never do anything I don't feel 100% comfortable with. However, now I am rattled. I think worst case scenarios about it. Everything that can go wrong with the procedure, everything that will go wrong if we don't get it done. The list of fear goes on and on this way. He is also starting preschool this week. Of course I am worrying about that as well. But I'm a mother. It is now my job to be strong. But what are we mothers? Super humans? No fear. Nothing to stop us from fighting crime. Only positivity should flow through us? Positivity and cheerfulness? And I may be the exact opposite of that description.
The thought of "there's always a solution to a problem" seem to disappear whenever I face anything real in life. I am the type that jumps into panic mode which is hilarious considering my upbringing and not being around anyone like that. So how do I calm down and handle things with grace and poise? How do we stop ourselves from fearing the worse all the time, especially when it comes to our kids? I know other moms who have developed such fears after they have babies that it is paralyzing. Some no longer drive, others have their pediatricians on speed dial. It's a constant state of what could happen rather than what is happening.
Maybe I should start counting to 10 whenever a situation arises. Maybe I should think of those famous words: "there is always a solution to a problem". Maybe I should just chill out and realize that not everything is life or death and if so, be on the side of life from now on. This doom ad gloom attitude is rough. It's all consuming and I need to be different for my kids. They can sense it. So being a parent means to fake it until you make it. Pretend to have your shit together and then lose it when you're alone if you have to. I'm realizing more and more that they can pick up on any little thing. Any little worry you show, any sign of sadness, any raised voice. They feel it. I got away with all of that stuff in the past but the ages 2 and 4 are really impressionable ages.
Being a mom is rough business. Just when you think you figured it out, something else comes up and slips me up. Someone should really write a book on this.
Comments
Post a Comment