ME Time!
I would love to have a day where it's just me doing what I like. Instead, I have to grasp the fact that I have not had that luxury in almost two years and will not have that luxury ever again. That's not to say it's a bad thing, it just is my life evolving as we make our family grow. But in the process I have lost a lot of who I use to be. I take things much more seriously now and I find myself becoming more and more OCD than ever before (it's insane actually). The constant need I feel to make everything around me clean and perfect is much more than even I can take at this point and I need to try something new to break me of this habit.
Although I could have far greater flaws, there is nothing quite like needing things to be planned out and executed to perfection. Here's a little example. I am exhausted...like literally, cannot keep my eyes open. Just when I put my son down for a nap, I figure I'd take one too. I lay down on the couch to get a quick snooze in before my husband gets home and bam! I see it. Staring at me. It's practically screaming my name. Daring me to try and relax and fall into a coma for the next 20 minutes. But I can't. The urge is too strong for me to ignore. I cannot rest until I take care of this jerk!
Who is this jerk I speak of? The one mocking me? Smirking at me as though to say "ha bitch, got you again."? Well ladies and gentlemen, it's a goldfish. Let me be a bit more precise...it's my son's baked, cheddar cheese snack made by Pepperidge Farm. (Yeah, that kind of goldfish.) It was just on the floor, lounging around in front of the TV console. Could it have waited to be swept up while I took care of my body's basic need for sleep? I believe so. Could I just leave it there and get to it later? NO! I couldn't! I am helpless in these situations. Next thing I know, I have the broom in my hand and I'm sweeping up the entire living room floor. I'm going under the couches, I'm in the hallway, I go to the kitchen. I sweep, sweep, sweep. Next thing I know, I'm dusting, I'm disinfecting... I'm scrubbing the damn bathtub! An hour goes by and my son is waking up from his nap. What the hell? Where did the time go? I just wanted to take a frickin nap!
And so my life plays out like this over and over all day, every day. I'm so use to it but still frustrated by it. I take out my overworked frustrations on others and then I am sitting on the same couch I was suppose to nap on hours before, drenched in sweat and still exhausted. When did I stop allowing myself "me time"? When did everything else like messes, chores, errands, kids and other things get in the way of making myself happy with a few minutes to do something that will make me feel like myself and rejuvenated?
The short answer is that I don't know. I know I've always had this "problem" but since staying at home I have seen it get worse and worse. I act as though I am on the clock and this is my office and I have to be on my game until it's time to go home. But I'm always home. I'm always at the office. The trick is to find a balance. There has to be "me time" and then everything else time. Just like everyone deserves. So, in order to make this happen, I have decided to try and make "me time". Maybe staying up a little later or using some of my son's nap time to focus on my hobbies will make me feel a little better. I'm not sick or anything, I'm just in a funk sometimes and it's definitely because of this no balance thing. So my goal is to work on a few hobbies I have throughout the day. I can still be a mother and wife and take care of a house and not feel guilty for taking a few minutes here and there for myself. I mean let's face it...if mamma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. So let's make me happy.
Being able to write this down really gave me some time to myself. Quiet, uninterrupted, much deserved time. See, I already feel better and ready to start dinner! It's working already! Go Me Time!
Although I could have far greater flaws, there is nothing quite like needing things to be planned out and executed to perfection. Here's a little example. I am exhausted...like literally, cannot keep my eyes open. Just when I put my son down for a nap, I figure I'd take one too. I lay down on the couch to get a quick snooze in before my husband gets home and bam! I see it. Staring at me. It's practically screaming my name. Daring me to try and relax and fall into a coma for the next 20 minutes. But I can't. The urge is too strong for me to ignore. I cannot rest until I take care of this jerk!
Who is this jerk I speak of? The one mocking me? Smirking at me as though to say "ha bitch, got you again."? Well ladies and gentlemen, it's a goldfish. Let me be a bit more precise...it's my son's baked, cheddar cheese snack made by Pepperidge Farm. (Yeah, that kind of goldfish.) It was just on the floor, lounging around in front of the TV console. Could it have waited to be swept up while I took care of my body's basic need for sleep? I believe so. Could I just leave it there and get to it later? NO! I couldn't! I am helpless in these situations. Next thing I know, I have the broom in my hand and I'm sweeping up the entire living room floor. I'm going under the couches, I'm in the hallway, I go to the kitchen. I sweep, sweep, sweep. Next thing I know, I'm dusting, I'm disinfecting... I'm scrubbing the damn bathtub! An hour goes by and my son is waking up from his nap. What the hell? Where did the time go? I just wanted to take a frickin nap!
And so my life plays out like this over and over all day, every day. I'm so use to it but still frustrated by it. I take out my overworked frustrations on others and then I am sitting on the same couch I was suppose to nap on hours before, drenched in sweat and still exhausted. When did I stop allowing myself "me time"? When did everything else like messes, chores, errands, kids and other things get in the way of making myself happy with a few minutes to do something that will make me feel like myself and rejuvenated?
The short answer is that I don't know. I know I've always had this "problem" but since staying at home I have seen it get worse and worse. I act as though I am on the clock and this is my office and I have to be on my game until it's time to go home. But I'm always home. I'm always at the office. The trick is to find a balance. There has to be "me time" and then everything else time. Just like everyone deserves. So, in order to make this happen, I have decided to try and make "me time". Maybe staying up a little later or using some of my son's nap time to focus on my hobbies will make me feel a little better. I'm not sick or anything, I'm just in a funk sometimes and it's definitely because of this no balance thing. So my goal is to work on a few hobbies I have throughout the day. I can still be a mother and wife and take care of a house and not feel guilty for taking a few minutes here and there for myself. I mean let's face it...if mamma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. So let's make me happy.
Being able to write this down really gave me some time to myself. Quiet, uninterrupted, much deserved time. See, I already feel better and ready to start dinner! It's working already! Go Me Time!
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