The Balancing Act
Being a stay-at-home mother is the most isolating feeling. You are living and breathing for your children all day, everyday. There is not a minute that goes by that is for you to do for yourself. Showers, eating and even bathroom breaks are usually done with an audience once you become a SAHM. For years I thought I was alone in the world. My friends (that lived near me) didn't have any kids and I was so lonely, it was depressing. I thought that if I spoke about it, that I loved being with my kids but I was feeling suffocated being a SAHM, then I would seem ungrateful. I have seen other working women beg to stay at home with their kids. I felt guilty that I had that opportunity and they didn't, yet hear I was complaining about it. What type of mother was I?
While I love working and being at home, there is also another two parts that are needed in order for any person to become whole. We need alone time and time out with others. That's the tricky part. That's the part that we SAHM's have been forfeiting since giving birth. The chance to be free! We knew it would happen didn't we? We knew that being a mom would mean less time as a couple, less time with friends and more time with family. This was essentially my life for 3 years. Very rarely did my husband and I go on any dates. I never got time alone. And friends? Those visits were few and far between. Being surrounded by children all day, every day was a lot. It was a lot of work, a lot of stress, a lot of happiness and also a lot of loneliness. I'd lose my patience fast. I stopped taking care of myself in order to take care of others. I was anxious and nervous all of the time. I didn't want to be around people anymore because I felt so awkward being a recluse for so long, I had forgotten how to have a conversation with someone other than a child. I began to resent my husband for being able to go to work everyday and interact with others and use that brain of his while my brain turned into mush and could only retain Sesame Street jingles. It was a rough time.
This is when I discovered YouTube and started watching mommy channels. I realized I wasn't alone then. That I was actually allowed to want more for myself and my life. I was actually suppose to go out into the world and experience new things with new people. I was able to work and come home and go out and be a good mom and wife all at once. I was promised by these YouTube moms that it would make me a better mother. And it did.
I got myself a part-time job. To dip my toes back into the career world. I got my kids involved in activities for them to meet kids but most importantly, for me to meet moms (well they found me, but I'm still grateful for that). I made a promise to myself that I would say "yes" more. I wouldn't worry about all the stresses in life and the consequences of every action I made. If I left my kids with their grandparents for a few hours every other weekend for either alone time or a mom's night out or a date night, they would be completely fine! Would they cry? Yes. Would this make me feel guilty? Yes. But I knew that if I wanted to be a happy and mentally healthy mom for my kids, then I needed to find some balance in my life. I needed to not be Mom 24/7 and just be Dayna once in a while. Not only does it strengthen my relationship with myself, but it does make me a better mother and a better friend and a better wife. Being able to have the life you want is all a balancing act. You balance your checkbook to make sure you have enough money to go around? Then balance your life to make sure you can have enough of YOU to go around!
I'm not saying go out every night or even every weekend. I'm just saying that you, as a working mom or a SAHM, need to make time for yourself and your partner and your friends. Will you feel guilty for not spending every waking moment with your kids? Probably. But will it give you the sanity to make it through the toughest years of your life? Yes!
So what are you waiting for? Book that babysitter! Go for that job! See your friends! Say yes more to yourself. Know the life you want, what will make you happy and find a way to balance it all. You will be happier and healthier if you give your momself a break and just be you once in a while.
While I love working and being at home, there is also another two parts that are needed in order for any person to become whole. We need alone time and time out with others. That's the tricky part. That's the part that we SAHM's have been forfeiting since giving birth. The chance to be free! We knew it would happen didn't we? We knew that being a mom would mean less time as a couple, less time with friends and more time with family. This was essentially my life for 3 years. Very rarely did my husband and I go on any dates. I never got time alone. And friends? Those visits were few and far between. Being surrounded by children all day, every day was a lot. It was a lot of work, a lot of stress, a lot of happiness and also a lot of loneliness. I'd lose my patience fast. I stopped taking care of myself in order to take care of others. I was anxious and nervous all of the time. I didn't want to be around people anymore because I felt so awkward being a recluse for so long, I had forgotten how to have a conversation with someone other than a child. I began to resent my husband for being able to go to work everyday and interact with others and use that brain of his while my brain turned into mush and could only retain Sesame Street jingles. It was a rough time.
This is when I discovered YouTube and started watching mommy channels. I realized I wasn't alone then. That I was actually allowed to want more for myself and my life. I was actually suppose to go out into the world and experience new things with new people. I was able to work and come home and go out and be a good mom and wife all at once. I was promised by these YouTube moms that it would make me a better mother. And it did.
I got myself a part-time job. To dip my toes back into the career world. I got my kids involved in activities for them to meet kids but most importantly, for me to meet moms (well they found me, but I'm still grateful for that). I made a promise to myself that I would say "yes" more. I wouldn't worry about all the stresses in life and the consequences of every action I made. If I left my kids with their grandparents for a few hours every other weekend for either alone time or a mom's night out or a date night, they would be completely fine! Would they cry? Yes. Would this make me feel guilty? Yes. But I knew that if I wanted to be a happy and mentally healthy mom for my kids, then I needed to find some balance in my life. I needed to not be Mom 24/7 and just be Dayna once in a while. Not only does it strengthen my relationship with myself, but it does make me a better mother and a better friend and a better wife. Being able to have the life you want is all a balancing act. You balance your checkbook to make sure you have enough money to go around? Then balance your life to make sure you can have enough of YOU to go around!
I'm not saying go out every night or even every weekend. I'm just saying that you, as a working mom or a SAHM, need to make time for yourself and your partner and your friends. Will you feel guilty for not spending every waking moment with your kids? Probably. But will it give you the sanity to make it through the toughest years of your life? Yes!
So what are you waiting for? Book that babysitter! Go for that job! See your friends! Say yes more to yourself. Know the life you want, what will make you happy and find a way to balance it all. You will be happier and healthier if you give your momself a break and just be you once in a while.
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