Men Just Don't Understand
Men do not understand pregnancy. They cannot get their minds to grasp all of the changes a woman goes through physically and emotionally. Since starting this blog, I have had two miscarriages, one successful, full term birth and (knock on wood) I will give birth to another full term, healthy baby come the Spring. Until then, there is a lot to deal with and let's face it pregnant ladies, you are facing it on your own.
With the first pregnancy, everyone treats you like a delicate flower, but by the second you have no leeway. You are now a veteran in your partner's eyes and should be able to just do what you have to do as though you aren't using all of your energy to make another human being and to try and keep yourself sane. I cannot tell you how many times I have lashed out out of frustration of the physical and emotional demands of pregnancy. I cannot help it. If you were always worried about "is my baby ok?" (due to past miscarriages) or "is my son ok?" (due to his tendency to be a curious toddler) and no one is asking you if you're ok, wouldn't you lose your sh*t a little too? I thought so.
Do men try? During the first pregnancy, I'd say yes. During the second? I'd say sometimes. They seem to be bored of it by the second pregnancy and the third and the fourth. I guess this could be a compliment in some f*cked up world to us. It must mean that you impressed him so much last time that this time he has no doubts that you can handle taking care of a toddler, daily chores and errands, family functions and life's stresses just as you always could, pregnant or not. And I suppose that's sweet of them? But in reality...I could really use a maid and a nap. Actually I could nap while the maid is here! While she's scrubbing the bathtub or sweeping or dusting! Oh the fantasies I am having at this very moment!
Did I mention that the second pregnancy is lonely and a lot scarier than the first. With my first pregnancy, I had no idea about anything. I never watched a live birth, I never read all the bad things that could go wrong in my many pregnancy books. I just went with the flow. Now, I know everything that can go wrong. I have heard all the stories from friends, families and doctors. Now those things float around in my mind and I worry about whether or not my baby may have this or that, if I will need a C-Section this time or how am I going to handle that damn epidural again? This pregnancy is so insanely different from my last pregnancy that it feels like everything is going wrong. I have been sick for months! I am still having moments of morning sickness at 16 weeks! I am eating and drinking all the wrong things but they are the only things I can stomach. I am pretty positive I will have gestational diabetes due to a recent blood work result. All of this is scary and I'm sure no man is thinking of all of this. In fact, try talking to them about your fears and concerns as often as you have them, I guarantee you will be told "don't think about that" or "everything will be fine". So you are left alone to deal with all of this and some how be able to function every single day. These things are on top of your exhaustion, ligament pain, leg cramps, swollen feet, headaches, nausea and everything else that hurts for 9 months.
I guess it's not their fault. How can they understand pregnancy, it's something they never have and never will have to experience. And I'm sure when women try to explain it to them, they think we are exaggerating and being dramatic just so we get them to feel bad for us; I mean that's what I use to think whenever a pregnant woman would tell me about it before I ever experienced it. I mean, I could never understand the feeling of getting kicked in the balls no matter what they tried to compare the pain to.
But, if getting kicked in the balls is the worst of their experiences, I now understand why women are the alphas in life...men have it soooooooooooooooooooo easy.
With the first pregnancy, everyone treats you like a delicate flower, but by the second you have no leeway. You are now a veteran in your partner's eyes and should be able to just do what you have to do as though you aren't using all of your energy to make another human being and to try and keep yourself sane. I cannot tell you how many times I have lashed out out of frustration of the physical and emotional demands of pregnancy. I cannot help it. If you were always worried about "is my baby ok?" (due to past miscarriages) or "is my son ok?" (due to his tendency to be a curious toddler) and no one is asking you if you're ok, wouldn't you lose your sh*t a little too? I thought so.
Do men try? During the first pregnancy, I'd say yes. During the second? I'd say sometimes. They seem to be bored of it by the second pregnancy and the third and the fourth. I guess this could be a compliment in some f*cked up world to us. It must mean that you impressed him so much last time that this time he has no doubts that you can handle taking care of a toddler, daily chores and errands, family functions and life's stresses just as you always could, pregnant or not. And I suppose that's sweet of them? But in reality...I could really use a maid and a nap. Actually I could nap while the maid is here! While she's scrubbing the bathtub or sweeping or dusting! Oh the fantasies I am having at this very moment!
Did I mention that the second pregnancy is lonely and a lot scarier than the first. With my first pregnancy, I had no idea about anything. I never watched a live birth, I never read all the bad things that could go wrong in my many pregnancy books. I just went with the flow. Now, I know everything that can go wrong. I have heard all the stories from friends, families and doctors. Now those things float around in my mind and I worry about whether or not my baby may have this or that, if I will need a C-Section this time or how am I going to handle that damn epidural again? This pregnancy is so insanely different from my last pregnancy that it feels like everything is going wrong. I have been sick for months! I am still having moments of morning sickness at 16 weeks! I am eating and drinking all the wrong things but they are the only things I can stomach. I am pretty positive I will have gestational diabetes due to a recent blood work result. All of this is scary and I'm sure no man is thinking of all of this. In fact, try talking to them about your fears and concerns as often as you have them, I guarantee you will be told "don't think about that" or "everything will be fine". So you are left alone to deal with all of this and some how be able to function every single day. These things are on top of your exhaustion, ligament pain, leg cramps, swollen feet, headaches, nausea and everything else that hurts for 9 months.
I guess it's not their fault. How can they understand pregnancy, it's something they never have and never will have to experience. And I'm sure when women try to explain it to them, they think we are exaggerating and being dramatic just so we get them to feel bad for us; I mean that's what I use to think whenever a pregnant woman would tell me about it before I ever experienced it. I mean, I could never understand the feeling of getting kicked in the balls no matter what they tried to compare the pain to.
But, if getting kicked in the balls is the worst of their experiences, I now understand why women are the alphas in life...men have it soooooooooooooooooooo easy.
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