The "Me Complex" & Marriage
Much like new motherhood, new "wifehood" is a constantly evolving role in a woman's life. You are always learning. As much as we like to imagine married life as being the same as being engaged or dating, it's not. It's much more serious. And with that seriousness comes a whole new dynamic between a woman and her now husband.
When I was engaged, I still had a sense of "I". I'm going to call this the "Me Complex". When in this state of mind, you are not yet understanding that things are not just about you anymore. You have a partner. A real partner. You even have a contract stating that you are committed to being partners. You can no longer fight or argue and in the middle of it say "I'm going to leave" or threaten "let's break up", because it's so much more serious now. Everything you own is now partly owned by your significant other. You can no longer go on shopping sprees and think that it only affects you. You no longer have to be the only one responsible for the electric bill. You are not the only one whose credit score is going to affect your credit. You have signed a binding contract and if I have learned anything from my contract law classes, it's that contracts are a bitch and tough as shit to get out of. So if your decision to sign that marriage contract was something you really wanted, then the "Me Complex", has got to go. For good.
Of course marriage is much more than a contract. But I'm just trying to emphasize that marriage is permanent. It's a HUGE commitment. That it may be the most selfless act, aside from being a parent, that you will ever go through. But it is also the most satisfying feeling you will have knowing that there is this commitment being made. With that in mind, your "I" gets replaced with "We". You no longer have to endure stresses, happiness, losses or gains alone. You have someone with you through it all. Better yet, you have someone that WANTS to be there with you through it all. As a strong woman and mother, I have to say I am very much still trying to completely forgo the "Me Complex". I won't lie...it's difficult. For 28 years I have only really had to depend on myself. I'm learning that I need to start breaking down my mindset of having to do it all, because I don't anymore. I have someone there for me. I am there for someone else. And at the end of the day, it's such a secure feeling. I mean, before marriage did we have a baby? Yes. Had we lived together? Yes. Did we feel secure in our relationship? Kind of. Since marriage, do we feel secure? YOU BET! Do we feel more complete in our relationship? Yes! There are so many good things that have come since being married but the greatest feeling is knowing that there is no more "I", that it has now been replaced with "We".
When I was engaged, I still had a sense of "I". I'm going to call this the "Me Complex". When in this state of mind, you are not yet understanding that things are not just about you anymore. You have a partner. A real partner. You even have a contract stating that you are committed to being partners. You can no longer fight or argue and in the middle of it say "I'm going to leave" or threaten "let's break up", because it's so much more serious now. Everything you own is now partly owned by your significant other. You can no longer go on shopping sprees and think that it only affects you. You no longer have to be the only one responsible for the electric bill. You are not the only one whose credit score is going to affect your credit. You have signed a binding contract and if I have learned anything from my contract law classes, it's that contracts are a bitch and tough as shit to get out of. So if your decision to sign that marriage contract was something you really wanted, then the "Me Complex", has got to go. For good.
Of course marriage is much more than a contract. But I'm just trying to emphasize that marriage is permanent. It's a HUGE commitment. That it may be the most selfless act, aside from being a parent, that you will ever go through. But it is also the most satisfying feeling you will have knowing that there is this commitment being made. With that in mind, your "I" gets replaced with "We". You no longer have to endure stresses, happiness, losses or gains alone. You have someone with you through it all. Better yet, you have someone that WANTS to be there with you through it all. As a strong woman and mother, I have to say I am very much still trying to completely forgo the "Me Complex". I won't lie...it's difficult. For 28 years I have only really had to depend on myself. I'm learning that I need to start breaking down my mindset of having to do it all, because I don't anymore. I have someone there for me. I am there for someone else. And at the end of the day, it's such a secure feeling. I mean, before marriage did we have a baby? Yes. Had we lived together? Yes. Did we feel secure in our relationship? Kind of. Since marriage, do we feel secure? YOU BET! Do we feel more complete in our relationship? Yes! There are so many good things that have come since being married but the greatest feeling is knowing that there is no more "I", that it has now been replaced with "We".
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