The Tit For Tat

I hate Tit for tat bullshit. You know the "well you did this so I get to do that" mentality? It makes me feel like I have to always walk on eggshells and be careful of what I say or do around others who have that thought process.

As a mother I would never say to the father of my child that "if I watch the baby all day today then you have to tomorrow." That would be insensitive and degrading on my part. To think that fathers use this tactic disgusts me. As a SAHM and as someone who knows a lot of SAHMs, I have heard this complaint a lot. Most of these men just go on about their day, running errands, watching a game or going out without even considering that maybe their wife needs a break from being attached to a toddler all week. I have more conversations with myself than anyone else because there isn't always enough time in the day to have one with another adult. For some reason men don't realize how this lack of social interaction and constant selflessness that is needed to watch YOUR child all day is mentally and physically exhasuting. Do they think twice if they call you saying "I'm going to go out for drink for an hour after work" or "I'm just going to run out to the store" and thereby leaving you alone with the kids again? The short answer: no.

What I do see though is that when a mother finally breaks down and asks for help or asks for a few hours alone to get out of the house the father say something like "well if I watch ___ today then I'm going out tomorrow". Are you f*cking kidding me??? Tit for tat bulldshit. To that, a mother's response should be; "well honey, since we both have full time jobs (mine being the more demanding of the two) then I deserve to be out of the house for as much time as you are. You drive to work alone? You get a lunch break? You talk to coworkers at all? Ok well I will be gone for the next 40 plus hours doing all of that and you can stay here. How's that tit for tat?"

Fathers should not make mothers feel as though their job isn't as important or  demanding as theirs. Our jobs are far more difficult, our boss is a relentless toddler who doesn't even speak English!!! We are raising THEIR child! That is the hardest job of all. We are not awarded sick days, vacation, raises or lunch breaks. We are dedicated to a tiny human who cannot fend for themselves and therefore we DESERVE to take a break and have the father swoop in and handle the house and kids for a few hours without feeling the need to defend reasoning for it, it's obvious! We also don't need them to compare how we spend our time out of the house to theirs. Try doing an ounce of what a SAHM does and then complain how you had to spend an extra hour in traffic going to work because at least that is an extra hour to yourself to listen to music, talk on the phone, listen to the news on the radio, hell...daydream!

This tit for tat between parents needs to stop and it needs to stop for the sake of every SAHM out there. I couldn't even tell you the freedom I would feel to just be able to have a few moments to myself to clip my toenails and they are complaining about a few hours of parenting? Who is the stronger gender exactly?

Does this mean I'd rather not be a SAHM ? No... It just means that every person that works gets time off to do something other than work, but for us we don't have that luxury. We only ask our partners to understand this and to occasionally help so that we can have a few hours at the end of the week to have time off ourselves. To not get upset if we are on Facebook (again) because it is the only social interaction we get to have most days. Or to not complain if we ask for help when your home from work. Or to not get upset if you can't finish what you are in the middle of because take all that frustration and annoyance and multiply it by 1000...now that's how we feel.