Why You Sometimes Feel Like The Nanny

Are you a stay at home mom and wife yet you feel like the nanny and maid? You are not alone. Between my own experiences and my girlfriend's, this is the feelings of a SAHM. While your husband is "bringing home the bacon", you are left to cook it and then clean up everything afterwards. While being a SAHM is rewarding, it is also draining and can have a real effect on a woman emotionally for many reasons. My friends and I all feel the same way and it's an emotional rollercoaster. We love being stay at home mothers and we love that our husbands try their hardest to give us and our children the lives they feel we deserve but while they are out doing what they need for us, we feel it necessary to do everything else for everyone else. This may seem like it's easy, but with one child, two children and four children, it is anything but. And while we aren't asked to do it all, it just feels like it is expected of us. "Why couldn't you do ___? You were home all day?" "Couldn't you do _____ while I was at work?" At times this can make anyone feel like all you are is a nanny and a maid and here's why:

1) You feel obligated to do it all by yourself.

Even if you do not reap any of the benefits of your partner's paycheck other than the electricity being on, you still feel like you "owe" him something. God knows you're too exhausted for sex at the end of the day so you make up for it by trying to accomplish all of the errands and chores and bills and cooking and cleaning and let's not forget taking care of the child...by yourself! You have made this your career and therefore you are the one that has to complete all of the responsibilities associated with your job. 

2) You don't want to be viewed as the nagging, bitchy wife.

Just when you think you have you and your children and husband on the same schedule and everything is under control something goes ary and a chaotic morning/night ensues. Let's face it, you really need help. Instead you are trying to figure it all out alone, juggling three different situations at once and you feel your blood boiling, your patience dwindling, your heart racing and you realize you are about to lose it. When you see your husband...you snap. You ask him to do this or do that. You remind him to go here or there. You start barking orders in an effort to just get everything done. You don't mean to,  you are just trying to be efficient but you fear he will view you as a nagging, bitchy wife. This is a fear of all women, in order to avoid this, we hope that men will just jump in and ask "what can I do?", if they don't our fear is so strong that we just try to avoid it and do it ourselves.

3) You just know what has to be done.

Whether it's a grocery list, a bill or what's missing in your child's diaper bag, you just know what needs to be done. You have spent more time doing it and learning the system that is this family's life, that you trust yourself more than your partner to handle everything. And for some reason you are the only one that knows the dishwasher has to be turned on every night. Your brain is so use to remembering and doing that it just becomes easier in most situations for you to take over. Of course you may seem controlling but it beats going on a road trip without baby food because your partner didn't know to pack it.

4) You know the importance of organization and cleanliness now more than ever.

If you are like me, you cannot live in unorganized chaos. I understand life being messy and just happening so fast that you can't be on top of it all, all the time. But it's insanely important to try to clean up as much as you can, when you can, which usually means any free time you thought you had is spent cleaning and organizing your family's days. If you don't then the messes and the chaos will run your house and nothing will be easy to find or to do. Leaving it to clean up later (as you know) is just the worst idea because a simple 5 minute pick up around the house will then turn into a half an hour and it's just going to get worse from there. You also makes lists. How else can we remember to do everything for everyone? Without lists we would be lost juggling imaginary balls in the air.

I'm sure the nanny and maid idea may be a fantasy for most men but for a SAHM ...it's a nightmare.