Going, Going, Gone

Phone. Check.

Wallett. Check.

Baby. Ch----

What? No baby? That's right! For the first time in twelve weeks Mommy went out! Well... Not OUT out, but out of the house without my boy for more than an hour! 

I honestly forgot what it felt like to not have a tiny human in my arms! And for a while it felt good! I was driving without constantly checking the review mirror. I was going over 25mph. I used two hands to do and carry things! I was a free woman!

But then as I stood patiently in line at a store and I began to do something that was... different. While waiting my turn, I began to do something that brought me back to reality. I began rocking. Back and forth. Like a character in a ghostly, horror movie. Or like a person who escaped from the psychiatric ward and was let lose in none other than Victoria Secret of all places, you know because crazy people need underwear too.

This rocking just made me realize who wasn't there-my baby boy. That's when the guilt hit me. Hard. Even though I have been with him every single day for twelve weeks and left him in the most capable of hands, his father, I still felt guilty for not being there. A part of myself was relieved and relaxed with a much needed few hours for myself but at the same time an equal part of me felt like I was slacking as a mother. I thought; "He should be getting all of my attention. Life isn't about me anymore. My main priority is to my son." Then I stopped myself. Why did I feel so much guilt for taking a few hours to myself for one day? Mommy guilt shouldn't be felt at a time such as this! I'm still human aren't I? I mean, if I don't take care of myself both mentally and physically then how will I be able to take care of my child to the best of my abilities? 

The answer is you can't. You will drive yourself crazy! Everyone needs time to unwind, relax and refocus. Mommies included! Plus who needs and deserves it more than us? We give so much of ourselves to others each and everyday, why not give a little attention back? I realized that I am a more happier and relaxed mommy when I am a more happier and relaxed person. 

So I say f*ck mommy guilt! If a few hours here and there create a better you for your children and family then take those hours in anyway that you can and spend them doing something that makes you happy! :) 

Now, remind me about this post when I go back to work and the guilt REALLY knocks me for a loop! Thanks! :)